I'm going to rename this the insomniacs feast...

Since I only ever seem to do it when its late and I can't sleep and I need something to do. Never occurs to me to work on my school stuff at this point - funny how that works.

Appetizer
Who is the easiest person for you to talk to?
I surround myself with people who are easy to talk to, it saves me the trouble of being coherent.

Soup
If you could live in any ancient city during the height of the quality of its society and culture, which one would you choose?
This is already a hard one. Tonight I might say Pompei because the idea of having your life frozen at one time is somewhat appealing to me right now.

Salad
What is the most exciting event you've ever witnessed?
Definitely the day I saved someone life... you see Meghann was about to get hit by a bus and I saved her life.

Main Course
If you were a celebrity, what would you do for a publicity stunt?
Well since Tom Cruise has edited himself from the list of celebrities who I would do, not Tom Cruise. Maybe I would just be normal - it hasn't been overdone yet.

Dessert
What do you consider the ideal age to have a first child?
Well if they were already 22 when they came out... oh wait you mean what age would I be when I had a child. Not happening.

I'll Go - Dayna Manning

When it's over I'll go
Then it will be just like it was before
But I won't go too far
Just a local phone call, or a ride in the car

To a different side of you
A different side of me
A different side of this town

And when you want to call me back over
You've got to resist it, you've got to be strong
Cause you know what they say about the best laid plans
They're just lines in the sand
Baby I drew a line in the sand

When I learned that history repeats itself baby
It repeats itself my darling.

and I say it with my mouth
I say it with my mouth
I SAID IT WITH MY MOUTH

They say that history repeats itself baby
It repeats itself baby
It repeats itself baby
And our history will repeat itself baby
And repeat itself baby
And repeat itself baby

(I say it with my mouth, but it never gets though, I tried to tell you, I said it with my mouth)

But you can't hear it
Baby you can't hear it
It's so hard to hear with your heart.
You never hear it with your heart.

Friday's Feast

Appetizer - Briefly describe your living room.
Its just a normal living room with a beautiful hardwood floor installed by my roommate and myself. We're very proud of it.

Soup - List 3 things you'd like to accomplish before the end of 2005.
- promotion at work
- start my part-time college program and have at least one course successfully completed
- end world hunger (hey you gotta aim really high on at least one of them)

Salad - When you're online, what do you spend the most time reading/playing/doing? Suggest a site for us to visit.
Obviously I spend all of my time on websites to improve my mind. Or really I spend most of my time on the CNN website reading propaganda and the rest of it on neopets.com. No really, supporting and playing with my little pet in Neopia is like an economy lesson. Really. Honestly. I'm not addicted.

Main Course - What would the title of your autobiography be?
Murphy's Law and Me

Dessert - What time do you usually go to bed?
At least two hours past when I should have gone to bed.

I think that one of the best feelings in life is being loved more then you think you deserve.

Friday's Feast (yes I know its Sunday)

Appetizer - What time do you usually wake up each day? If you could choose your wake-up time, when would it be?
I usually wake up about half an hour after I wanted to be awake. I would like to get up at seven or eight every morning because once I'm up I actually like mornings... its getting up that I hate.

Soup - When was the last time you bought groceries? What store did you go to? Name 3 things you purchased.
I went on Sunday and I purchased frozen garlic bread, diet coke and salad because those are three of my favourite things.

Salad - How many books have you read so far this year? Which was your favorite and why?
I've definitely read way too many to put a number too, since I tend to devour books. I read the entire Patricial Cornwell series and really enjoyed them. My favourite was Fugitive Pieces which I re-read for the billionth time... it is my favourite because it takes something that was so ugly and unfathomable and puts into into such a beautiful frame that you can actually picture it. I don't think anyone could read it and not be touched.

Main Course - What is something you consider to be very elegant? In particular, what about that item/place/person conjures up the feeling of elegance?
I think that table settings in upscale restaurants/china stores are very elegant.

Dessert - Who taught you how to drive?
Ha - my Mom tried to but it was my Unky Bob who actually took me out and taught me how to drive well enough to pass my G2. It was when he told me to relax because "learning to drive is like sex, its better if you relax" that I was actually able to learn.

Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other

Lately a lot I have been feeling as though I'm stuck under a pile of rocks and I can't get out from underneath it. I've made so many mistakes in the last little while and made so many choices that weren't necessarily good ones. Alright I've made more bad ones then good ones. And the prospect of the bad ones I will make in the future to compensate for the ones I've already made is overwhelming. So I'm putting a stop to it, and I'm turning things around of of now.

I might not have made the best decisions, and there are some things that I do want to change... but hopefully its not too late.

Tomorrow I'm going to get an early start and start working on the things that I need to change.

I don't know if anyone reads this anymore, and I half hope that some people don't. Mostly I just needed to vent tonight. To put into writing what I'm thinking, hopefully it will make it seem more real.

Here I want to say that I don't have too much going for me. But clearly that's completely off base and wrong. I have a lot going for me... just not a lot of that I have made use of. The best thing that I have going for me though is someone who loves me unconditionally. And someone who I know will help me and love me even when I screw up and even when I'm crazy and even when I'm throwing up. And I have to say thanks for that, cause it means more to me then anyone will ever know. And it makes it a lot easier to breathe under the rocks.

Edit

Maybe sometimes I'm an idiot. Especially late at night.

Signs that its past your bedtime.

Sometimes I have to wonder if its all worth it. Is anything worth the way I feel right now? Maybe I'll feel better when its not after 4am.

Fingers crossed.

Not sure how I got to where I am. Not sure what I did. The fairly random choices that we make in our lives lead us in directions that we never thought we would travel in. I think that despite some major fears and uncertainties I have finally exorcised a demon that will make this month a lot easier. As if this time could ever be that easy.

Something that I quit doing... I am thankful for;
1. The chances I took that paid off.
2. Those that I love.
3. Life and the opportunities contained within.

And I pray for the strength I need right now.